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Thread: 5 simples truths/ www.esdeer.com

  1. #1
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    Default 5 simples truths/ www.esdeer.com


    I would like to share this web site with some of you that have had a loss. I hope it is not inapropriate to post it on Bt, I know some of you will relate and understand.I hope it does help some of you to better understand your own loss. do not mean to be doom and gloom. Anyway here it is

    
I recently read a great article from Ashleigh Davis Bush in The Huffington Post about all the things we as grievers canít possibly do and what we can. There are so many things that those who are not grieving think we who grieve should be doing and itís due mainly to a lack of understanding.
Here I list what I call Ashleighís Five Simple Truths, based on her work as a grief therapist for over 20 years. I then compare this with the reality that you share with me every day by email, on my blog and through my Facebook page.

    What Grievers Cannot Do

    Truth #1: We cannot get over it.
    
Adjusting to devastating loss is an ongoing and lifelong process that fluctuates over time. There is no closure as such.
    Reality:They think Iím grieving too long.It makes me angry and tears me up all at the same time when they say ďArenít you over it yet?ĒMy hurt is too much for them, they canít deal with it and theyíre over it really. Their time limit is up!

    Truth #2: We cannot forget our loved ones
    
They are part of us and have been an integral part of our life, itís impossible to forget them. We will always remember.
    Reality:When I talk about her, they just look at me funny and then change the subject as if she never existed.
They talk about every other family member except him, itís so hurtful Ė donít they care?
His nameís been obliterated from their life Ė just like that!!

    
Truth #3: We cannot move on
    
There is no way we can just move on with our lives as if nothing has happened and they never existed, itís impossible.
    Reality:Itís so hard when they keep talking about me meeting someone else, thatís not what I want. Iím not anywhere near ready for that yet.My friends keep telling me to move on. How can I move on when all I want is back there?I canít even begin to think about moving on Ė I hate that word.

    Truth #4: We cannot be our old selves again
    
If only we could but our loss has changed us forever, there can never be the old us ever again.
    Reality:Itís like theyíre waiting for me to get back to my old self then everything will be OK again.
My family keep saying they donít like seeing me like this as if they are wishing for the moment when I reappear again and all will be well.
I donít think they get the fact that this has changed me forever; there is no going back to who I once was.

    
Truth #5: We cannot stop hurting
    
As much as we would wish it otherwise the painful feelings of our grief will erupt again and again over the years.
    Reality:What are you crying for?
That was five years ago Ė a LONG time!
You really need to get a grip on your feelings.It is so very affirming to read something that we know deep in our heart to be a reflection of all that we are going through. I hope that many people, not just those who grieve, will begin to understand that our loss and our great love is something that moulds and shapes us forever.

    Iíd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below.




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    Last edited by ModRoy; 10-23-2012 at 03:30 AM. Reason: tweaked formatting

  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    Very nice Louise and appropiate. Unfortunatly as we get older we all will experience loss and each case is unique. There is certainetly not a fixed formula.
    And Jerry said, Keep it light, Keep it friendly. Post Like Jerry.

  4. #4
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    As CeCil advises. Every loss is unique. I was 12 when I lost my father. I was 25 when I lost my brother. I was 50 when I lost my mother. Each hurt - but differently. I give thanks for my granddaughters! I cry when I need. I continue to live and give thanks. Peace be with you.

  5. #5
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    Peace be with you too JDButt. I lost my Mother at 21, my sister at 40, my husband at 58, and you are right each is very different.
    I found that site and wanted to share it , so if this help 1 person ,it will be a good thing. It must fe so refreshing and joyfull having your granddaughter around . You must enjoy them tremendously

  6. #6
    esculley is offline Supporting Member SUPPORTING MEMBER - Bonaire Talker
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    thank u louise

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    Thank you for the link, Saint Louise. It can be a help to so many of us in our own unique way.
    Nick

  8. #8
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    I'll add my losses to the list. I've lost two sisters, one younger and one older than me. I lost Karen when I was 21, and lost Kristi about 10 years ago. I lost my dear grandmother, who I stayed with in hospice for 8 days until she passed. I lost both of my parents, both of heart attacks, and both within 10 months of each other. It does get easier, it's not always the first thing I think about in the morning anymore. Still, sometimes it just hits ya square in the face.

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